There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
