And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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