Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize