You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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