There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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