and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
