No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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