There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
