what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
