peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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