I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
