happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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