tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
