the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
