The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
