just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
