I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
