Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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