I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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