so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize