Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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