I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
