She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
