Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
