Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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