Is it because I queefed?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
