If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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