Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
