I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
