im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
as a side note pls kill me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
