just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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