I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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