So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
