I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
