life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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