I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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