I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
