I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
