pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
