i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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