Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
