i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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