True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
high people should be assigned attendants
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
