Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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