So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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