We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
