I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
