im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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