We need to rekindle our bromance
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
