dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
