My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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