Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize