Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
