My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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