Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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