I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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