why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
