smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
