He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
