Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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